So
it looks like that creepy little crab was right. Life really is better down
where it’s wetter! Dive into a whole sea of sass with Glamour Sharks, a set of
16 Facebook stickers by Aurora Alcantar.
Glamour Sharks are an aquatic girl gang consisting of four
main members. First up is a gal who puts the great in great white. This briny babe is the shark we all want to be - a dancing, prancing bundle of pure joy.
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More teeth just means more lipstick
(facebook.com)
|
She’s basically Ilana
Glazer with gills and a dorsal fin. The mere sight of her is enough to make you scream ‘Yas Qween!’ until you pass out. Using her on Facebook will instantly make you 100% more
likable, even if you’re the kind of boring weirdo who likes sports.
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Put the bass in your shark!
(facebook.com) |
Next up is the large and in charge whale shark. If Daria sucked
up 46 pounds of plankton on the daily, she might look something like this.
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'Won't you give me a smile, girl?'
(facebook.com) |
This
titanic badass does what she wants, when she wants, and doesn’t give a shit if
you like it or not. Why should she? She's the largest extant fish species. Who the fuck are you? Use her if you want to let someone know you've had it, officially. Just don't be surprised if they're crushed under the weight of your ennui.
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Y tho?
(facebook.com) |
Unfortunately, things start to go downhill from here. A
certain hammerhead is so needy it makes you want to beach yourself just to get away from her. Sure, she seems cool at first, but then you realise all she
ever does is flirt on the phone then break down weeping when no one flirts back.
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You're gonna cause a tsunami if you don't stop beating those eyelashes...
(facebook.com) |
She needs to quit her crying and remember she’s a fearsome beast of the depths. If someone hurts her she shouldn't sit around moping, she should pick herself up and go devour them whole! As it is, it’s hard to see why
you’d ever want to use her. Unless it was in a sarcastic way, like ‘Oh yeah, I totally love you, you sexy clam you’.
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Get a grip you hammerheaded mess!
(facebook.com) |
And if you thought she was bad, just wait until you meet the
tiger shark. Call me a misandrist, but this guy makes me hate men. I mean, just
look at his douchey hair.
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| Who even wears sunglasses underwater? |
He's just a deep-sea Logan Huntzbeger – yeah, he’s kinda hot, but you’d rather punch him than actually talk to him. He’s probably the jerk who keeps making the hammerhead cry too. Never use him. Ever. Unless you want everyone to hate you.
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And you look like an asshole
(facebook.com)
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Overall, Glamour Sharks are half rad, half sad. Fortunately
the good half far outweighs the bad half, so I can still give these toothsome
trouble-makers the Conoir seal of approval. Keep it sassy!
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Yassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!
(facebook.com) |
Glamour Sharks Score: 7/10
- Conoir
