Review: Downer Dinos - 8/10

In a world of endless likes, shares and smiley faces, there's something refreshing about a person who can say 'Actually, I really don't like that'. Especially if that person happens to be a majestic Brachiosaurus*.

Thanks for saying what we were all thinking, Downer Dino
(facebook.com)

Downer Dinos is a set of 16 Facebook stickers created by Sidharth Chaturvedi, described as 'The most depressed dinos that ever walked the earth'. These Dinos certainly do seem a bit gloomy, but who can blame them? Most of them live in constant fear of being devoured alive by the terrifying Tyrannosaurus Rex, while old Rexy himself is forced to contend with a life of frustration due to his impractically short arms. Meanwhile they all must try to come to terms with the impending extinction of everything they have ever known and loved.

Why people gotta be like that, Downer Dino?
(facebook.com)

In comparison, our human concerns can seem like trivial nonsense. (Is your life dull and unfulfilling? Have you abandoned all your hopes and dreams and let the child inside you die? Well, at least you're not about to be obliterated in a fiery apocalypse. At least your last breath won't be an anguished choke on the ashes of your entire species.) You might then be hesitant to use Downer Dinos to express your own discontents, lest you seem to be making light of the suffering of the Dinosaurs. This is certainly a valid fear, but ultimately it misses the point of these mournful monsters. You see, Downer Dinos isn't about competing to see who has the most reason to be miserable, constantly trying to outdo one another's melancholy. Instead it's about embracing the fact that there's enough dejection to go around for everyone, that when you really think about it everything is terrible. So don't hoard these stickers like a crotchety old miser, saving them only for the most unfortunate of events. No, make the most out of every day, and embrace every single opportunity to be glum!

Thanks for helping us see the bad in everything, Downer Dino
(facebook.com)

Next time a friend checks in at the airport, respond with the 'The Worst' Abrictosaurus, reminding them of the unspeakable horrors of air travel which they are about to endure. Next time someone uses the 'clean eating' hashtag, send them some stegosaurus side-eye, as if to say, 'You think you're all that? Well this herbivorous quadruped ate nothing but leaves its entire life and that didn't stop it being consumed by armageddon.'

Is ignorance a blessing or a curse, Downer Dino?
(facebook.com)

I know, right, Downer Dino
(facebook.com)

My only small complaint is the presence of a certain flying Dino who doesn't seem to be suitably dour. Although his facial expression does suggest he is reeling with pure existential anguish, the fact that he appears above the word 'dyno-mite' could be interpreted as suggesting some sort of excitement or enthusiasm. But what on earth could this winged wretch have to be happy about? He is clearly delusional, refusing to accept the harsh truths of reality. In another sticker we see him bumping claws with another Dino, as if they're plucky pals who have just hatched some daring scheme. But doesn't he know that friendship is fleeting, and everyone he trusts will eventually betray him? At the end of the day he'd be better off alone.

Stop lying to yourself, Downer Dino
(facebook.com)

You're not fooling anyone, Downer Dino
(facebook.com)

Minor grievances aside, Downer Dinos is a solid sticker set with a lot to offer. In allowing us to express our misery via the medium of Dinosaurs, it also reminds us of perhaps the only thing we have to be truly grateful for: stickers. Like the Dinosaurs, we too may be doomed to a woebegone existence, our unrelenting sorrow relieved only by certain death. But at least when the meteor finally comes to wipe us all out, we'll be able to make one last status update, expressing our complete and utter disappointment with the universe by declaring 'This ex-stinks'.

True, but we are #blessed to have you, Downer Dino
(facebook.com)

Downer Dinos Score: 8/10

- Conoir




* Please note that I am not a Dinosaur expert, merely an amateur enthusiast, and specific species names in this post are simply my best guesses. Please correct me if I am wrong.

Review: Business Fish - 10/10

It's only fitting that my first review should be Business Fish, since it was Business Fish that first awakened my deep passion for stickers. Sure, I'd enjoyed other stickers before, but with Business Fish it was different. It was something deeper and more intense. Something primal and all-consuming. As Catherine Earnshaw might say, 'Nelly, I am Business Fish'.   

Kiss me, Business Fish! (facebook.com)

Business Fish is a Facebook sticker set created by the Tokyo-based Quan Inc. (http://quan-inc.jp/en/). Its description on the Facebook Sticker Store reads 'You just got schooled... by a fish'. This cheeky pun on 'school' may seem straightforward at first, but ultimately it raises more questions than it answers. First of all, what exactly is Business Fish? Is he a man? Is he a fish? Does it even matter?... An easier question to answer would be 'Are you physically attracted to him?', and the answer would be 'Yes, Yes I am'. (In fact, I think it's safe to say he's the hottest fish-headed man since that cosplayer guy in a Magikarp mask and a pair of speedos.)

I hate yo see you go, but I love to watch you leave, Business Fish! (facebook.com)

Despite this ambiguity of species (or perhaps because of it), Business Fish certainly does school us. Not in an obvious way, but rather in a subtle, yet profoundly wise way. At first glance Business Fish appears to live the life of a stereotypical Tokyo business man. He is defined by his pristine suit, overworked and under-appreciated, forced to trudge his way to the office even when he's sick and should probably be at home in bed.

Please take care of your health, Business Fish! (facebook.com)

He is often frustrated or enraged by his work, occasionally breaking down into maniacal laughter. We can hardly blame him for this, considering the harsh conditions he is forced to endure (for more on Business Fish's representation of alienation under capitalism, see Rhizome.org's Marxist reading at http://rhizome.org/editorial/2015/mar/11/business-fish-or-emotion-under-late-capitalism/). This may make the sticker set seem like one that is designed for expressing darker emotions, for saying 'Damn you world! Why must you be so terrible!?' This is certainly one use of Business Fish, however there is more to him than first meets the eye.

Are you some kind of monster, Business Fish? (facebook.com)

On closer inspection, we see that beneath his sleek, professional exterior, he is a sensitive soul. He beams with joy, he weeps with despair. He seems to ask, 'Am I not a person too? Do I not have hopes and dreams? If you cut me, do I not bleed (albeit cold, ectothermic blood)?'. He shows us that it's OK to have feelings, and thereby allows the user to move beyond their exasperation and resentment, and express their rawer emotions, to make themselves vulnerable by bearing their heart and soul to the world.

Why, you're just a big old softy, Business Fish! (facebook.com)

Business Fish's schooling does not end here, however, but proceeds to ever more sublime depths. He eventually moves beyond introspection and selfish egotism, and looks outwards, to the needs of others. He congratulates his friend on their achievements by presenting them with a cake, sparing no thought for his own interests. He professes his love to anyone and everyone, asking for nothing in return but the joy brought about by their presence. The confetti showering these stickers marks them as celebratory, the most valuable and worthwhile of all Business Fish's actions. They allow the user to open up to the world, to spread hope and joy, to transcend the selfish pursuit of self-fulfillment and the frustrations of daily life, and to say to every single person on their Facebook friends list, 'I APPRECIATE YOU!'.

I love you too, Business Fish! (facebook.com)

In Business Fish we ultimately see ourselves. We are reminded that at the end of the day every one of us is just a fish out of water, hastily shoved into an expensive suit and forced to pretend we have our humanity in check. But Business Fish encourages us to remember that beneath the suit, we are all people (or perhaps bizarre fish-people). He teaches us that what is truly important is not making money, but making friends. The most poignant of all Business Fish stickers is the one in which he looks nervously around a corner, his face encapsulating the fear and insecurity we all feel when confronted with the cold, uncaring world. We finally realise that this sticker does not represent suspicion or mistrust, but rather it is an invitation. An invitation for us to reach out and say 'Stay strong, Business Fish. We are here for you. WE LOVE YOU!'

Do not be afraid, Business Fish! (facebook.com)

Business Fish Score: 10/10

- Conoir

For more on Business Fish see the following:

- His official Facebook page, which includes extra Business Fish drawings, and reveals many interesting facts, such as his ongoing feud with one of his coworkers, and the beautiful lack of restriction on his sexuality and gender expression: https://www.facebook.com/quanbusinessfish?fref=ts

- His Twitter, which showcases his political commentary and philosophical musings, in digestible 140-character chunks: https://twitter.com/business_fish